shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We need to get me chipped asap
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
