the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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