i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
