Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
