Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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