he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
