how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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