So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
