help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
