for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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