dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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