i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
