I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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