I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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