you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
