i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
