Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
