he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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