if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
