You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize