look no pants
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
