College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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