I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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