I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
