It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
