I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
