I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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