I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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