btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
