there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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