I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
