Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
