dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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