I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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