So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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