wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
