I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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