you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
