It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
