Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
