did you get engaged???
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
