How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
