Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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