Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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