Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
