@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
