idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
