Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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