where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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