her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
