I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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