Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
