my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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