"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
