Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
