I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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