So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
