I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
