I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
