I love black thongs
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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