i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
