Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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