Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
