obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
