"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
