OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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