I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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