I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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