This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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