On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
tell me about the eggs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
