I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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