he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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