She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
