No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
