I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
